As of Wednesday, we have been married for nine years. It has been a somewhat difficult year while we both acknowledge that life looks different than it did when we were young and fancy free. We have a kid who notices everything, friends who continue to spread out and away from the city, demanding jobs, and personal hobbies/interests that deserve our attention in between all of that. As hard as it sometimes is, one thing remains true: I love my husband – and let me be clear, I said husband, not just family – and could not do this life without him. Nine years later, and I happily choose him every day.
As always, I requested a blind questionnaire. Here we go!
Read our thoughts from this time last year here.
- When did you know you were in love with Tess/Albert?
- Albert: When I started to miss her (and think about her) when she wasn’t around, and when I realized I was willing to put in the effort to grow and improve our relationship.
- Tess: There was a summer day (late May/very early June) when we were first dating that Albert asked what I was up to. I said I was doing my regular ritual of grabbing a sandwich and taking it to Central Park to lay on a towel and read. He could come if he wanted, but that was the plan. He did, in fact, join, and we both sat there reading our own book/magazine in relative silence. The calm of simply enjoying being quietly next to each other was so satisfying. Seeing that this was a man who respected that I had already curated a whole life as a 27-year-old and let me just do my thing was the moment I realized I loved him. Love is finding the person who complements or fits into your life, not the one who requires you to change it.
- What is our biggest strength as a couple?
- Albert: I’d say it’s parenting Finn, whether it’s spending time with the three of us together or one of us taking the lead while the other is taking a well-deserved break.
- Tess: We can divide and conquer like nobody’s business.
- Do you have a couple or marriage goal for this upcoming year?
- Albert: Continue to improve communication and get back to more regular date nights.
- Tess: I want us to communicate more/better. Both of us are somewhat allergic to talking about feelings (in fact, not feeling forced to be so vulnerable was something that really drew me to Albert), but it was recently pointed out that that can eventually make us strangers to each other, and that’s the last thing I want! Separately, I have a goal of planning a day date – a baseball game, a matinee, running a race together – by getting a sitter so we can enjoy one-on-one time during daylight hours.
- What quality do you most admire in a spouse?
- Albert: What an amazing mom she is, which covers a lot of qualities: patience, creativity, love & compassion.
- Tess: I think acceptance is a really important and admirable quality. I like being goofy and my spouse needs to accept that – and better if he can join in. It can also mean being accepting of your partner’s inevitable faults as long as they’re working to improve themself. I love that Albert accepts my quirks. I’m working very hard to be a more accepting spouse and appreciate when Albert gives me some grace when my faults shine through.
- How would you describe your perfect day?
- Albert: My perfect day would be a Sunday and encompass all the things I love: Family Time (morning hang, visit to the MET or History Museum), a workout/run in the park, and then end with a visit to Armonie’s and end it on the couch watching TV!!
- Tess: A perfect day means getting to do ALL of my favorite things in a balance of family and solo time. It would start with a morning where I can grab a coffee and a workout class, followed by a little solo city strolling (popping into a favorite store like Big Night, for instance). Then I’d like to meet up with the full fam for lunch and hang time (maybe a museum?). After that, it’s date night (double date works too) so I have an excuse to get dressed cute, socialize with my favorite person/people while eating good food and drinking good drinks (restauranting is a very real hobby). Finally, I’d end the night by catching up on some trash tv that has piled up in the dvr.
Peaches to Apples 